A "FOUNDATION"

chinese new year this year is no doubt quite happy moments to me...
however..i was curios about a "foundation"...
should i start to keep thinking her back like when i was 2ndary school?? or try one more time to forget her like i did lately (during college life in west m'sia)??
i was so hardly forgetting her successfully before few months ago....but when 14 of february...nope should be few days more before...ah..when 12 of february..i was actually having the plan to sing karaoke with friends before but thanks to that f**k up Mr. M....i din make it as i'm haven the night shift...then, my friends had the enjoyable moments tat without my exitstence...T.T wanna sing!!!...after my shift, i went home n having a bath....after that, i was quite curious about the other members tat joined tat "event" as i knew only two of them who were those planning to sing with me before...i called one of them..asking where were they n wat they doing tat time...
he said tat they were going for tea in the area where was just in front my house!!! he invited me to join as well....i asked about the members who were going to there n he said all of those tat sang just now (abt 12 ppl)...i felt like nt going to go...n going to decline but he suddenly laid out the name of HER to try to persuade me to join them..
i felt shocked n wondering but still didn't want to go....but after that, i thought that if they knew i didn't want to join just because of her then means i still have the feeling on her.....instantly i change my answer...i joined them
when i reached there, i din even notice her but just chat with a few of them there...
the time passed only about 3 mins n she suddenly said tat she was going home...one of my frens popped out the words "wa...u dun really wan to see him meh...he just arrive n u wan to leave dy.." i felt a bit irritated cause the case btw me n her did not even cool down since when i was 14 yrs old...
she left afterall....but i used to it as both of us din even chat to each other till 10 or 15 times ( i guess)even we've been in same class in primary for 3 yrs n same skool for whole 2ndary skool life....
then ...14 of feb...1st day of new year..day time...i saw her again in a friend's house..i wasn't surprised cause i knew it since few yrs before....
then..night time...my house open house..i invited those friends in my hometown through my contact list in my phone..i din invite her cause i delete her number during the process forgetting her....sides, she didn't even reply to me 5 times..
tat night, my house was quite full..hehe...n i made three roasted chciken to let the early birds to taste n one apple pie? as well..overall, the comments were good...n suddenly..one of my friends said, "gie heng, u seemed like nt very happy wo.." i was blurred n he continued.." don't worry, later she'll come here..are u happy?" i was stunned a few seconds n said," she won't come one...." "she'll come cause she said it in my phone just now when i was inviting her..hehe" they smiled like small devils like those who going to see a great movie later....i was speechless n feeling unbelievable...i knew her since primary 4 but she didn't even came my house before n same to me tat i didn't go to her house also...
but i knew..deep in my heart..the fire started burning---means the feeling was back..oh no....
then she came...as a member of "open house" family,i laid out my hand (to shake hand)n greeted her with the smile tat i gave to my friends just now....she responded...she shaked hand with me n greeted me back...
DARN..it's almost been 10 yrs we knew each other but until this moment we finally shaked hand...i was really happy ..really...but the happiness i put inside my heart...but..but..but..those "devils" seemed likethey knew my thoughts or it was just their luck..they said out "lim!! u finally seemed like u were really happy lol!! hahaha"...=.= i just replied "tat's wat all of u think.."
after tat night...my heart started struggling....sh*t...i don't really want to go back to the moments tat my time won't flow without thinking her....but the other thought of me persuading me to keep thinking of her like last time n waiting...waiting wat?!!! she's been with her boyfriend since she was about 15 till now....i didn't even stand a chance..i knew it but the some of my friends didn't think like me...they were not persuading me to think of her but they only said tat ask long the girl haven't get married with the guy....u still have the chance....wat the....
thus...dear VISITORS..
what should i do..????please give me few hints...T.T but please don't leave a message only like "just go for it" cause it'll surely failed n the bonds btw me n her will be broken like before when i tried to giv my best to her.....
THANKS..

it's been quite a long time...

finally, after one month n 15 days, i have my chance to update my blog yay!
actually it's that i have few ideas popped out suddenly that would like to share with all of u^^
thus, in this post, let me talk about my training....till now, the training progress achieved about 60% already, which means the day i'm going back to west m'sia is no longer further..
thinking about going back to campus....happiness n sadness appeared in my mind at the same time....
i felt happy cause i can meet my colleague friends again..wondering how they being already..>.<....feeling sad cause going to finish my training...
till now, the training can be said as fine with me..it's just that in this month--february (the month in pastry)...i was feeling quite unhappy n a little bit of f**k up. WHY? just because of one person only--the head chef of pastry kitchen--chef M.
before i entering the pastry department, i tried to ask about the cny holiday...i din even finish my 1st question then he replied with only one sentence "no prob, we'll discuz tis in pastry kit later" i'm feeling fine tat time cause tat time his tone was like "okay dude, i'll giv u holiday when cny" but then after i went to pastry when the 1st week, he suddenly said " erm, we hav some budget prob n blah.." during briefing...n ended by "i hope lim can stay back when cny"
wtf!!! few times dy i asked abt the cny holidays n he said no prob no worry..sides...most of the ppl there said if trainee apply PH sure no prob n one more thg--one muslim malay trainee from kk was given 1 or 2 PH during cny but me as chinese hav only the first day as OFF day??!!! it's really fuck up...but after a few "char kuey teow"...he finally gav me three days that hav 2 OFF day which were fron last n this week n 1 PH only..but watever.at least it's better than ntg....however..his dun hav nuts!!!keep changing the roaster n drop one's level if he was unhappy with tat person....n aso too picky...my fren from pastry said...his style was 10 star hotel one...wat the...
in one word, i don't really feel like working under a person like him if i'm a worker not a trainee...it will be not i'm leave then he'll in hospital i guess=.=
HOPE THAT THE CAFE SERVICE TRAINING IN MARCH THAT CONCLUDE MY TRAINING WON'T MAKE ME SO EMO...

1 more day..

finally...left 1 day...
1 more day, that's when i start my 1st industrial training...
suddenly, i felt that i don't really feel like to go....
full of stress by the unknown incidents that may happen in coming days...
oh no..i can't even barely imagine how my training going to be....
hopefully can go through it smoothly...GOD!! please make the training time faster to the end!!

loving the "one"? or being loved by the other?

well, i had feels on few girls before but none of them was my special girlfriend...
i had so much desperation on taking action to ask them but i did nothing in the end due to my own problems such as curiosity and so on....
i found that it's quite a suffer when falling in love on someone and then i wondered...
is it better if i chose to get being loved by the other(s) that love me (though the possibility is nearly 0)??
but are we happy if i just being with the one who loves me while i don't have any feel on her??
it's quite a headache problem cause not only me but all of us for sure i bet, we have our own "request" on our own soul mate...
haiz..guess love is really complex....
even sometime we said that time will come but...??

darn

quite many "darn" things had been happening in this term 3,
1st darn-conflicted with very few groupmates;
2nd darn-conflicted with my own will, e.g. stress??;
3rd darn-some "news" not even cooled down but "updating"?!;
4th darn-starting to pay attention on some individual(s)??;
5th darn- drink the largest amount of beer in my life?? approx. 9 in 2 months...highest record in such short time for now..;
6th darn-some of the subjects felt like learnt nothing and also "gg"=.=;
7th the MOST DARN darn-the budget of this term was the highest among these 3 terms!! approx. RM 2.8k??really sh*t cause felt like the times i was going out was the lowest in these 3 terms as well...T.T damn pain on my "budget"...speechless
HOPEFULLY these won't happening in future as term 4 till end of my life >,

however you feel, that will be my feel as well...

it's raining season lately. nearly rain coming once every two or three days. i like the rain...however, you have been emotional lately...full of sadness, stress, unsecure....
these made me feel bad...low mood and morality...
why??? you didn't say the reasons out...just because we are only friends???
but please, at least say it out...i think that will make you feeling better...

about two weeks more....

about two weeks more then ends my term 3....like what most of my groupmates saying...feel like learnt nothing... and the training time being nearer..feel very nervous and hope that that time will be going smooth..these days kinda busying with the assignments...of course, the accounting i think is the only course i may fail as well..maybe the problems came from lecturer or myself or both of the issues... to me, either the lecturer explaining the course too fast until i'm blur or i feel that it is too complicated this term....till now, still, don't even know what are the components of this subject at all....so how?? waiting to die??? i don't like this but last minute's CPR help?? guess won't as well but for now..i think ot's better than i never try...please let me pass it..please...T.T