A "FOUNDATION"

chinese new year this year is no doubt quite happy moments to me...
however..i was curios about a "foundation"...
should i start to keep thinking her back like when i was 2ndary school?? or try one more time to forget her like i did lately (during college life in west m'sia)??
i was so hardly forgetting her successfully before few months ago....but when 14 of february...nope should be few days more before...ah..when 12 of february..i was actually having the plan to sing karaoke with friends before but thanks to that f**k up Mr. M....i din make it as i'm haven the night shift...then, my friends had the enjoyable moments tat without my exitstence...T.T wanna sing!!!...after my shift, i went home n having a bath....after that, i was quite curious about the other members tat joined tat "event" as i knew only two of them who were those planning to sing with me before...i called one of them..asking where were they n wat they doing tat time...
he said tat they were going for tea in the area where was just in front my house!!! he invited me to join as well....i asked about the members who were going to there n he said all of those tat sang just now (abt 12 ppl)...i felt like nt going to go...n going to decline but he suddenly laid out the name of HER to try to persuade me to join them..
i felt shocked n wondering but still didn't want to go....but after that, i thought that if they knew i didn't want to join just because of her then means i still have the feeling on her.....instantly i change my answer...i joined them
when i reached there, i din even notice her but just chat with a few of them there...
the time passed only about 3 mins n she suddenly said tat she was going home...one of my frens popped out the words "wa...u dun really wan to see him meh...he just arrive n u wan to leave dy.." i felt a bit irritated cause the case btw me n her did not even cool down since when i was 14 yrs old...
she left afterall....but i used to it as both of us din even chat to each other till 10 or 15 times ( i guess)even we've been in same class in primary for 3 yrs n same skool for whole 2ndary skool life....
then ...14 of feb...1st day of new year..day time...i saw her again in a friend's house..i wasn't surprised cause i knew it since few yrs before....
then..night time...my house open house..i invited those friends in my hometown through my contact list in my phone..i din invite her cause i delete her number during the process forgetting her....sides, she didn't even reply to me 5 times..
tat night, my house was quite full..hehe...n i made three roasted chciken to let the early birds to taste n one apple pie? as well..overall, the comments were good...n suddenly..one of my friends said, "gie heng, u seemed like nt very happy wo.." i was blurred n he continued.." don't worry, later she'll come here..are u happy?" i was stunned a few seconds n said," she won't come one...." "she'll come cause she said it in my phone just now when i was inviting her..hehe" they smiled like small devils like those who going to see a great movie later....i was speechless n feeling unbelievable...i knew her since primary 4 but she didn't even came my house before n same to me tat i didn't go to her house also...
but i knew..deep in my heart..the fire started burning---means the feeling was back..oh no....
then she came...as a member of "open house" family,i laid out my hand (to shake hand)n greeted her with the smile tat i gave to my friends just now....she responded...she shaked hand with me n greeted me back...
DARN..it's almost been 10 yrs we knew each other but until this moment we finally shaked hand...i was really happy ..really...but the happiness i put inside my heart...but..but..but..those "devils" seemed likethey knew my thoughts or it was just their luck..they said out "lim!! u finally seemed like u were really happy lol!! hahaha"...=.= i just replied "tat's wat all of u think.."
after tat night...my heart started struggling....sh*t...i don't really want to go back to the moments tat my time won't flow without thinking her....but the other thought of me persuading me to keep thinking of her like last time n waiting...waiting wat?!!! she's been with her boyfriend since she was about 15 till now....i didn't even stand a chance..i knew it but the some of my friends didn't think like me...they were not persuading me to think of her but they only said tat ask long the girl haven't get married with the guy....u still have the chance....wat the....
thus...dear VISITORS..
what should i do..????please give me few hints...T.T but please don't leave a message only like "just go for it" cause it'll surely failed n the bonds btw me n her will be broken like before when i tried to giv my best to her.....
THANKS..

it's been quite a long time...

finally, after one month n 15 days, i have my chance to update my blog yay!
actually it's that i have few ideas popped out suddenly that would like to share with all of u^^
thus, in this post, let me talk about my training....till now, the training progress achieved about 60% already, which means the day i'm going back to west m'sia is no longer further..
thinking about going back to campus....happiness n sadness appeared in my mind at the same time....
i felt happy cause i can meet my colleague friends again..wondering how they being already..>.<....feeling sad cause going to finish my training...
till now, the training can be said as fine with me..it's just that in this month--february (the month in pastry)...i was feeling quite unhappy n a little bit of f**k up. WHY? just because of one person only--the head chef of pastry kitchen--chef M.
before i entering the pastry department, i tried to ask about the cny holiday...i din even finish my 1st question then he replied with only one sentence "no prob, we'll discuz tis in pastry kit later" i'm feeling fine tat time cause tat time his tone was like "okay dude, i'll giv u holiday when cny" but then after i went to pastry when the 1st week, he suddenly said " erm, we hav some budget prob n blah.." during briefing...n ended by "i hope lim can stay back when cny"
wtf!!! few times dy i asked abt the cny holidays n he said no prob no worry..sides...most of the ppl there said if trainee apply PH sure no prob n one more thg--one muslim malay trainee from kk was given 1 or 2 PH during cny but me as chinese hav only the first day as OFF day??!!! it's really fuck up...but after a few "char kuey teow"...he finally gav me three days that hav 2 OFF day which were fron last n this week n 1 PH only..but watever.at least it's better than ntg....however..his dun hav nuts!!!keep changing the roaster n drop one's level if he was unhappy with tat person....n aso too picky...my fren from pastry said...his style was 10 star hotel one...wat the...
in one word, i don't really feel like working under a person like him if i'm a worker not a trainee...it will be not i'm leave then he'll in hospital i guess=.=
HOPE THAT THE CAFE SERVICE TRAINING IN MARCH THAT CONCLUDE MY TRAINING WON'T MAKE ME SO EMO...