DELETE...Goodbye

Woohoo, finally term 5 final assessment had ended, and seriously HOPE CAN PASS hehe~
And 1-week-termbreak starts. Feels like it's gonna quite "fullfilled?" as if not wrong, this year's ending, so hardly can see my family n I will welcome 2011 at West M'sia. Of course, all come for my granpa's birthday!! haha...HAPPY BDAY TO MY GRANPA!
Btw, this term concluded kinda sad I think. Since term 4, it's kinda complex or hard to say I'd got a feeling on someone. Then during that term, I failed. That time, I decided to forget it yet when came to this term-term 5, thought I would change the way to treat her as friend since found that she's kinda lonely in the class (can said I thought too much, but then seriously, human can't just simply delete the feelings as long he/ she alive and got the feelings on others eh...
Which meant, I falled again, to the hole, deepy and uncontrollable. Just couldn't stop see her status on FB, updates on blog or what-so-ever related therewith, just like drug addictor. And whenever she replied the messages, I felt so happy and those times were the times I felt motivated and "alive".
I thought i would have a chance again. Yet due to last experience, my style and some circumtances, I had the struggles in the mind and heart. Desire and desperation (should I said, had won.
Then, as we can never know what's the others' thinkings, same goes to me. She was so "uncatchable", sometimes good in mood, sometimes kinda anger/ moody. And lately, found that she had some kind like "unnerving" problems perhaps? That's when I started again my thoughts, was I the one made her feel unnerving? ARGH...well....Then, something happened. And maybe I had somehow knew it or prepared for it which that thing would gonna happened somehow, as also because of my fault on annoying after my consideration on my actions those times, I did something.
I knew I wouldn't be able to forget her or stop thinking her. Thus, I tried this, maybe as my last option and it's rare or first time for me to do those. I deleted her number, FB and msn contact so hopefully I can forget about her by not noticing any of her latest news or whatever.
I knew my heart was raining and separating into pieces when I did those things yet I had to. BECAUSE maybe her style was just not suitable with mine even my everthing was so in her already. Oh God, if she was not meant to be with me, please assist me in anyways k! Or else I knew that whenever she has a single simple motive of contact with me in future, I may even fall again and trapped in the blackhole and it will be more tragic if the fact is "I'm just a tool for her".
SERIOUSLY HOPE THAT'S A UNRETURNABLE GOODBYE TO HER AND FORGIVE MY COWARDNESS OR WHATSOEVER THAT I'D DONE....

Few more days to end term 5

Really...time passes real fast. Until now, it's few more days to say "bye bye" to term 5 and followed by one-week-term-break then start the last term of diploma---term 6. Guess it's gonna be a challenging term. Can graduate or not will be depended on this coming term 6's final exam. Yet before that, have to survive through this coming final assessment to conclude the term 5's life.
Rewinding the memories, though the life of diploma costs only for 2 and 1/2 years to finish, a short duration I bet, but somehow feel that the life of diploma is more exciting? memoriable? compared to my secondary school life as that costed 6 years. So can know that it doesn't matter how long the moment we're having together but the most matter with us is how we create more memoriable things.
Thus, seriously, feeling freaking sad when comes to think that going to graduate in no longer future since may be not really available to meet the colleagues in future as everyone will have their own paths to go on...
Some of them may continue for further like degree and so on while some of them may straightly start working or travelling more places. As for me, I'm still not really sure what shall I do after this diploma life. Should I continue? Work? Travel to see more things I never see before? I don't really know...
Besides, since the last time freaking long moment of keeping someone in the heart while that someone with the another, I don't feel motivated in my life. Maybe I'm too eager to be loved or concerned. Somehow kinda hate this "me". Yet lately, there's one that I seriously supposed to let go or forget or give up quite a moment ago, I found that she's unforgettable. She used to be the one of my hatred list? But now feel soulless when she absents or etc. Somemore, starting to feel motivated by just looking the smile or wat so ever. Also, don't know since when, feaking scared and worry if she is upset? mad? or...?
However, i guess my characteristics still as usual, provoke or hurt someone unconsciously, wanna change but again, the pride problems-.-....Yet somehow, start to feel that as like I able to show the softer side, though the speed of the change is very slow.
I guess for the present "me", feeling like wanna be with her anywhere and anytime even knowing that the major problem--communication will be a disaster if we really get together and following her choice for future path may seriously change my future unless I'm interested and available to make the same choice as hers as well or else it will be too unwise to do so.
But watodo? Now seriously, should I say I'm blinded? ARGH

when?

when the 2nd time occurred since last rejection?
when she will really fall on it?
when she and me will really understand and accept each other?
when I will really learn things?
when my heart will really give up?
when will this end since when there's only rejects and hopeless?

though it was a failure, feeling sorry but relieved and happy...

it had been a while since last moment when i got the feel and knew that i did mention about "forever"...however, even though it was a failure but still feeling sorr and that myself is not yet well-prepared since found that the "forever" dissappeared from my heart. maybe finally release my hands and thoughts, kinda relieved. no matter what, i think thing goes till now what it likes, all i have to say is "sorry" for giving words like "forever..." but i think now my steps are more lighter since no more thinking and missing about someone else and i think i can do my own things with more concentration. kinda fine for me^^

Being noober/ more s2p ?? or just...??=.=

these days, or months, mind started stop working, fully blank yet felt so tired...
don't know what i'm thinking yet felt mind had been worn out? urgh...have been cheated by others, either from chit-chat, money usages and so on, don't know what's wrong with me already...sigh..please, wisdom, please don't leave me or my life will end up full of more sadness, anger and dissappointments T.T as for me, please wake up!! is all what i can say to myself, and the rests, hope will be better=.=

End of Chapter 4...then Rise New Sub-Chap...

2nd of july ended the stories of term 4 in DC's life. which consisted of happy, sad, emo, angry stories yet were all experiences of life. now, next monday, new sub-chapter or A.K.A prelude before term 5, new but short will be started. what kind of tides will come this time? how much unforgettable memories will be given this time? hopefully can pass through this safely^^

my sky's still blue and spacious for my freedom even without you

Just go for the route you prefer; no need to think much about my feelings; I'm just one of the swarm of crows and I think maybe only the sky is suitable for me^^ Even wothout you, I won't die yet still survive as always as long the sky is still blue and spacious~ Musics..driving...these things made me feeling that I'm still alive yeah....lala~ we are not meant to stay under the same sky as my sky is not suitable for you which is another kind of troops. Well, let's get my Single's Saga continuing...fly for new stories-ing

juin

(espérons que c'est là que nous commençons notre histoire d'amour)
Juin est le mois un peu spéciale
encore belle mais complexe également inoubliable
eu tellement de plaisir
en savoir plus sur les uns et des autres
sentiment ne peut pas vivre sans toi
ne peut pas voir l'avenir sans toi
le savez-vous? le savez-vous?
C'est soit vous vous sentirez choqué ou vous l'avez connu au début
sent que tout est possible chaque fois d'être avec vous
Pouvez-vous sentir le poids de mes paroles? mes paroles?
il peut ne pas même de vous ne me recevez pas oh
si c'est mal foutu pour moi encore que log vous êtes heureux
Je vais essayer de mon plus beau sourire en face de vous
veux juste que vous savez à savoir
Juin est le genre d'inoubliable pour moi, ouais ouais ouais

forever i love you

hearing insomnia, i hope you know that it's specially for you;
and love is color blind, hope ya don't mind what am i made of;
then hero, a song from deep of my heart all about you;
do you know that? do you know that?
i never thought that i would fall in love love love love;
by just that simple crush crush crush crush;
heartbeating so damn fast fast fast fast;
by just looking your smile smile smile smile!
guess you know who am i talking all about?
i wish i could be your hero baby
i can't promise the best that others can give
but i'll try my best when being with you
kiss away all your pain for your happiness,
bear all your unwanted for your stressless,
no matter what, my love makes me blind now~
hate ya when firstly met ya
yet slowly slowly slowly
cant even take my eye off you
my actions changed dang!
can't move ya out of my mind...seriously
forever forever forever
i love ya baby

thought...

thought that there was a chance yet the reality was vice versa....thought she was the one yet seems i were the only one who thought that...afterall it was just some thoughts....yet still couldn't remove her out from my mid...must i try it until i really get the scar and hurt??

~une chanson simple pour vous~

jamais pensé que j'allais tomber en amour l'amour l'amour l'amour, en regardant sur votre journal en début, figurer, en se demandant comment faites-vous tous les jours~
inconsciemment, étant donc le soin de vous~ vous~ vous~
*[jamais pensé que mon esprit plein de vous vous vous vous~ peut s'il vous plaît me dire comment y faire face? non non non ne Tink vous pouvez m'aider à ce sujet ~$(Parce que j'ai senti que je ne vois pas l'avenir sans toi, Parce que j'ai senti ma vie vraiment besoin de vous~)]
chorus~ Ouais maintenant j'ai dit que je t'aime ~ ~ t'aime vraiment yeah ~ ~ vous aime et que vous devez ~ espérons que vous ne m'en voudrez pas ~ esprit l'esprit
(*)Ouais maintenant j'ai dit que je t'aime ~ ~ t'aime vraiment yeah ~ ~ vous aime et que vous devez ~ espérons que vous ne m'en voudrez pas ~ esprit l'esprit
($)Ouais maintenant j'ai dit que je t'aime ~ ~ t'aime vraiment yeah ~ ~ vous aime et que vous devez ~ espérons que vous ne m'en voudrez pas ~ esprit l'esprit
jamais pensé que j'allais tomber en amour l'amour l'amour l'amour~
jamais pensé que mon esprit plein de vous vous vous vous~.....(fin)
*/$---répéter

Once...ver 2

Once I hate you after short "not bad" 1st image; Once I just wanna tried to wonder your life style; Once I studied all those words; Once I thought I knew another side beyond the point; Once I tried to care like normal; Once I fell in "trap"; Once I felt jealous on him; Once I felt I being tricked; Once I really wanna giv it up; Once...........to be continued??

Once...ver 1.

Once I made you heartbroken; Once I being rude on you; Once I felt pain in heart when doing those things that made you sad; Once I fell on you; Once I can't take my eyes off you; Once kept thinking about you even in the dreams; Once I angry when you cry because of him; Once I thought i had forgotten the feels successfully; Once the feels was still there though not as strong as before when seeing you again; Once wondering if should I try; Once again I being cocky..

crazy

although this week has still 3/4 more days to the end yet feel like this week is kinda a crazy week for me. assignment presentations, assessments etc. which made my mind almost jammed out as don't know wanna say it's a stress or what till these few days slept at damn late time, maybe the latest time i ever been-3/4 a.m. seriously, this late-sleep condition messed up my living style, just somehow like a vampire. haha. furthermore, no matter how busy my brain dealing on planning the assessments or what, it still let someone appeared in mind. feel kinda sienz since i have decided to get my best to erase the image of her in my mind so can more concentrate on something which is more important to future yet the minor actions told different stories. sigh...(to myself: you have no chance or anything else that suit with her...so...STOP THINKING ABOUT HER!!MAN!!) to her: faster get a boyfriend so I can totally GIVE UP and FORGET!!

not meant to be...

lately, due to some observations on some occurrences, it seems like even we're together later, we're not meant to be so; we're belonged to different paths; though don't really want to admit it yet it's true. different backgrounds, interests, lifestyle and other factors of us have been the facts to support the truth.it's kind of hurt yet feel that if we're together, most probably there will be more sufferings. you may be too complex while I may be too naive...try my best, escaping from the case of continuing the feels on you...

when you

when you're sad, i'm sad, figuring the reason that made your tears drop yet if I'm the one who made it then i would hate my powerless; when you're joy, i'm joy, figuring the reason that made you happy yet if I'm who the one made u happy then it would be my pleasures; when you're mad, i'm mad, figuring the reason that made u mad yet if I'm the one who made it then I really sorry due to my unwelcomed behaviours; my flow of feelings follow yours....

as like don't even have a chance for me

till now, still, seems like you have feels on the one i don't know...
i guessed, i tried, still, kinda failed....no matter how it seems like, still the reality won't far away...kinda run out of idea to get your heart with me...well well...speechless...

As long you're yourself

It's doesn't matter you have the worst or best part, as long you're yourself..
Be yourself that you feel comfortable...If the someone really love you, he or she won't change his or her heart on you and will love the all of you..
There's no necessary for you to change by forces but by volunteer.
;-) to all who want to change for others...

it has been daily activity

first, the objective was just want to know more about you so look on the blog;
however, day by day, maybe..just maybe also because I was too free alone at the room, the survey on your blog started. everyday, whenever i wake up or back from college, or when I'm free, it seems like the survey on the blog has been my daily activity..feel that I'm in another world when I look at the articles at the blog...the emotions follow the flow of blog...what've happened to me???why'd I feel like my life cant goes on without concerning you??dang!

Why

why there's always others in our chattings? why did I feel like you wanna me with the other? you know what? actaully I just wanna be with you~ (though I may quite annoying...and bullshitting) but...why I can't stop think about you? dang! why why why~ why why why I'm acting like this? why why why~ why why why~I'm supposed not to beiing like this~~ oh~feel like the wedding dress must be wore by you~ yeah!! hurting...thinking....wondering....hoping.....speechless~~ music please~~~ save my life!!! oh!

you're my heartbreaker; seems we're not in same road..

Seems I've put too much heart on ya, making you frustrated;
Asking ya too mucha questions, ya' feeling annoying;
so I I I have just to leave you...leave you...no more put my heart on you~
coz ya my heart heart heart breaker~~coz ya my heart heart heart heart breaker~ no way...no way...for me to continue this way...
Seems we are in the same road, as also I've thinking much also, why not stop what I've done? now I'm drowning too deep..oh` no~heart heart heart~ heart heart heart`breaker...

wanna break or not??

feeling wanna break my chain!!!getting frustrated of being chained by single but hell!! wondering outside there there will be too many heartbreaker?? dang...what should I do? am I too full of desperation?? or is it the time for me to break the chain?? should I break or just keep going as normal...headache....someone please unchain me..

seems like the chain unbreakable...

when i woke up, i found that my eyes were full of tears...wondering why feeling so sad though the dream that appeared while i slept was not concerning on me either..barely remembered the people in the dream seems like no one i know yet they suddenly fell into a saddy incident..sort of leaving each other unwillingly...
after washing my face, i found that my feeling was not same as usual...feeling sad...guess i'm thinking too much...yet kinda feel that the chain of mine can't be broken so simply by just starting new chapter though didn't start it at all...who called myself as a chicken..ha..haha...

I'm not as good as you thought...

You've been saying me kind or soft-hearted...but I'm not that soft....
You've been saying that I'm man or macho....but I'm not that man or macho...as I just acted...
You've been saying I'm helpful...but I'm not so helpful...
All you said on me are not true as you saw but just the masks that i wore...
To attract your attention yet don't have guts to say it...
However feel kinda angry or jealos when see things I don't really like you to do it even I said I didn't care so....
I'm kinda bad

who should i rely???

feel empty, yet lonely, wanna get a warm hug?? but who's willing giv me a hug??
yet, no one...beg for a shoulder let me rely though i'm a male...but can't i sometime childish?? let me rely on the shoulder?? who should i rely??...raining...

As long you're happy...

I admit that I have been being coward...I admit that I have been being unconfident either about myself or other issues...I admit that I have been using excuses to keep myself out of troubles without thinking others' feelings...I admit that most probably I would keep myself like this without making any changes...But no matter what, I would try to do my best using my own thoughts even you would say I have been thinking too much or being selfish but afterall all I want is as long you're happy...

can it lead??

these days, i can't stop thinking of begining a new chapter of the saga...the chapter that can break the chain of being single...i tried...but seems like whether it will be a tough opening or another curse of chain..

one have done but the other one....

hahaha...finally i'd done my 1st pas report at the last sunday...i don't think there will much problems about that ....but!!but but but but but!!!but since that, i kept thinking about the other pas...it's about the fnb...dang..i didn't handle any event during fnb training..all i'd done was just doing the jobs according to the roasters...hmph...wish i can have some ideas to do it in these few days...

quite tired living in the rumors' world...

just wanna be a normal guy...really a normal one...but don't know if i was born to big action or what..somehow seems like wherever i went or exist....rumors will appear around my surroundings afterwards...usually they're all about who i like or what..hell...c'mon, i just be friends with them but did i really looks like wanna chase after them...speechless..

headache...

without noticing, it's been 18 of march..next friday will be my last day of training.
so many things flow to my mind and "hurp!!" i can't breath!! why?!
cause so many things i need to think already...
1. the certificate of training-remember the time i requested for training at the hotel, the HR department said that they'll give certificate once i'm done with it. however, due to few incidents happened during my training there, i can't really believe on the HR....darn..if they don't give me certicate later, it doesn't really matter but just that i feel like making a "loss" business...
2. the place of staying when i back to college-well, since i checked out the accommodation of college as i needed to go for training last time, i don't really have any idea about where shall i stay after training and when i back to college...if i request for college's accommodation again, sure they don't have many problems to me but it's just that kinda troublesome cause i don't really know where will i have my 2nd training and other "blah blah" factors...."sigh.."
what should i do...T.T

A "FOUNDATION"

chinese new year this year is no doubt quite happy moments to me...
however..i was curios about a "foundation"...
should i start to keep thinking her back like when i was 2ndary school?? or try one more time to forget her like i did lately (during college life in west m'sia)??
i was so hardly forgetting her successfully before few months ago....but when 14 of february...nope should be few days more before...ah..when 12 of february..i was actually having the plan to sing karaoke with friends before but thanks to that f**k up Mr. M....i din make it as i'm haven the night shift...then, my friends had the enjoyable moments tat without my exitstence...T.T wanna sing!!!...after my shift, i went home n having a bath....after that, i was quite curious about the other members tat joined tat "event" as i knew only two of them who were those planning to sing with me before...i called one of them..asking where were they n wat they doing tat time...
he said tat they were going for tea in the area where was just in front my house!!! he invited me to join as well....i asked about the members who were going to there n he said all of those tat sang just now (abt 12 ppl)...i felt like nt going to go...n going to decline but he suddenly laid out the name of HER to try to persuade me to join them..
i felt shocked n wondering but still didn't want to go....but after that, i thought that if they knew i didn't want to join just because of her then means i still have the feeling on her.....instantly i change my answer...i joined them
when i reached there, i din even notice her but just chat with a few of them there...
the time passed only about 3 mins n she suddenly said tat she was going home...one of my frens popped out the words "wa...u dun really wan to see him meh...he just arrive n u wan to leave dy.." i felt a bit irritated cause the case btw me n her did not even cool down since when i was 14 yrs old...
she left afterall....but i used to it as both of us din even chat to each other till 10 or 15 times ( i guess)even we've been in same class in primary for 3 yrs n same skool for whole 2ndary skool life....
then ...14 of feb...1st day of new year..day time...i saw her again in a friend's house..i wasn't surprised cause i knew it since few yrs before....
then..night time...my house open house..i invited those friends in my hometown through my contact list in my phone..i din invite her cause i delete her number during the process forgetting her....sides, she didn't even reply to me 5 times..
tat night, my house was quite full..hehe...n i made three roasted chciken to let the early birds to taste n one apple pie? as well..overall, the comments were good...n suddenly..one of my friends said, "gie heng, u seemed like nt very happy wo.." i was blurred n he continued.." don't worry, later she'll come here..are u happy?" i was stunned a few seconds n said," she won't come one...." "she'll come cause she said it in my phone just now when i was inviting her..hehe" they smiled like small devils like those who going to see a great movie later....i was speechless n feeling unbelievable...i knew her since primary 4 but she didn't even came my house before n same to me tat i didn't go to her house also...
but i knew..deep in my heart..the fire started burning---means the feeling was back..oh no....
then she came...as a member of "open house" family,i laid out my hand (to shake hand)n greeted her with the smile tat i gave to my friends just now....she responded...she shaked hand with me n greeted me back...
DARN..it's almost been 10 yrs we knew each other but until this moment we finally shaked hand...i was really happy ..really...but the happiness i put inside my heart...but..but..but..those "devils" seemed likethey knew my thoughts or it was just their luck..they said out "lim!! u finally seemed like u were really happy lol!! hahaha"...=.= i just replied "tat's wat all of u think.."
after tat night...my heart started struggling....sh*t...i don't really want to go back to the moments tat my time won't flow without thinking her....but the other thought of me persuading me to keep thinking of her like last time n waiting...waiting wat?!!! she's been with her boyfriend since she was about 15 till now....i didn't even stand a chance..i knew it but the some of my friends didn't think like me...they were not persuading me to think of her but they only said tat ask long the girl haven't get married with the guy....u still have the chance....wat the....
thus...dear VISITORS..
what should i do..????please give me few hints...T.T but please don't leave a message only like "just go for it" cause it'll surely failed n the bonds btw me n her will be broken like before when i tried to giv my best to her.....
THANKS..

it's been quite a long time...

finally, after one month n 15 days, i have my chance to update my blog yay!
actually it's that i have few ideas popped out suddenly that would like to share with all of u^^
thus, in this post, let me talk about my training....till now, the training progress achieved about 60% already, which means the day i'm going back to west m'sia is no longer further..
thinking about going back to campus....happiness n sadness appeared in my mind at the same time....
i felt happy cause i can meet my colleague friends again..wondering how they being already..>.<....feeling sad cause going to finish my training...
till now, the training can be said as fine with me..it's just that in this month--february (the month in pastry)...i was feeling quite unhappy n a little bit of f**k up. WHY? just because of one person only--the head chef of pastry kitchen--chef M.
before i entering the pastry department, i tried to ask about the cny holiday...i din even finish my 1st question then he replied with only one sentence "no prob, we'll discuz tis in pastry kit later" i'm feeling fine tat time cause tat time his tone was like "okay dude, i'll giv u holiday when cny" but then after i went to pastry when the 1st week, he suddenly said " erm, we hav some budget prob n blah.." during briefing...n ended by "i hope lim can stay back when cny"
wtf!!! few times dy i asked abt the cny holidays n he said no prob no worry..sides...most of the ppl there said if trainee apply PH sure no prob n one more thg--one muslim malay trainee from kk was given 1 or 2 PH during cny but me as chinese hav only the first day as OFF day??!!! it's really fuck up...but after a few "char kuey teow"...he finally gav me three days that hav 2 OFF day which were fron last n this week n 1 PH only..but watever.at least it's better than ntg....however..his dun hav nuts!!!keep changing the roaster n drop one's level if he was unhappy with tat person....n aso too picky...my fren from pastry said...his style was 10 star hotel one...wat the...
in one word, i don't really feel like working under a person like him if i'm a worker not a trainee...it will be not i'm leave then he'll in hospital i guess=.=
HOPE THAT THE CAFE SERVICE TRAINING IN MARCH THAT CONCLUDE MY TRAINING WON'T MAKE ME SO EMO...

1 more day..

finally...left 1 day...
1 more day, that's when i start my 1st industrial training...
suddenly, i felt that i don't really feel like to go....
full of stress by the unknown incidents that may happen in coming days...
oh no..i can't even barely imagine how my training going to be....
hopefully can go through it smoothly...GOD!! please make the training time faster to the end!!

loving the "one"? or being loved by the other?

well, i had feels on few girls before but none of them was my special girlfriend...
i had so much desperation on taking action to ask them but i did nothing in the end due to my own problems such as curiosity and so on....
i found that it's quite a suffer when falling in love on someone and then i wondered...
is it better if i chose to get being loved by the other(s) that love me (though the possibility is nearly 0)??
but are we happy if i just being with the one who loves me while i don't have any feel on her??
it's quite a headache problem cause not only me but all of us for sure i bet, we have our own "request" on our own soul mate...
haiz..guess love is really complex....
even sometime we said that time will come but...??