DELETE...Goodbye

Woohoo, finally term 5 final assessment had ended, and seriously HOPE CAN PASS hehe~
And 1-week-termbreak starts. Feels like it's gonna quite "fullfilled?" as if not wrong, this year's ending, so hardly can see my family n I will welcome 2011 at West M'sia. Of course, all come for my granpa's birthday!! haha...HAPPY BDAY TO MY GRANPA!
Btw, this term concluded kinda sad I think. Since term 4, it's kinda complex or hard to say I'd got a feeling on someone. Then during that term, I failed. That time, I decided to forget it yet when came to this term-term 5, thought I would change the way to treat her as friend since found that she's kinda lonely in the class (can said I thought too much, but then seriously, human can't just simply delete the feelings as long he/ she alive and got the feelings on others eh...
Which meant, I falled again, to the hole, deepy and uncontrollable. Just couldn't stop see her status on FB, updates on blog or what-so-ever related therewith, just like drug addictor. And whenever she replied the messages, I felt so happy and those times were the times I felt motivated and "alive".
I thought i would have a chance again. Yet due to last experience, my style and some circumtances, I had the struggles in the mind and heart. Desire and desperation (should I said, had won.
Then, as we can never know what's the others' thinkings, same goes to me. She was so "uncatchable", sometimes good in mood, sometimes kinda anger/ moody. And lately, found that she had some kind like "unnerving" problems perhaps? That's when I started again my thoughts, was I the one made her feel unnerving? ARGH...well....Then, something happened. And maybe I had somehow knew it or prepared for it which that thing would gonna happened somehow, as also because of my fault on annoying after my consideration on my actions those times, I did something.
I knew I wouldn't be able to forget her or stop thinking her. Thus, I tried this, maybe as my last option and it's rare or first time for me to do those. I deleted her number, FB and msn contact so hopefully I can forget about her by not noticing any of her latest news or whatever.
I knew my heart was raining and separating into pieces when I did those things yet I had to. BECAUSE maybe her style was just not suitable with mine even my everthing was so in her already. Oh God, if she was not meant to be with me, please assist me in anyways k! Or else I knew that whenever she has a single simple motive of contact with me in future, I may even fall again and trapped in the blackhole and it will be more tragic if the fact is "I'm just a tool for her".
SERIOUSLY HOPE THAT'S A UNRETURNABLE GOODBYE TO HER AND FORGIVE MY COWARDNESS OR WHATSOEVER THAT I'D DONE....

Few more days to end term 5

Really...time passes real fast. Until now, it's few more days to say "bye bye" to term 5 and followed by one-week-term-break then start the last term of diploma---term 6. Guess it's gonna be a challenging term. Can graduate or not will be depended on this coming term 6's final exam. Yet before that, have to survive through this coming final assessment to conclude the term 5's life.
Rewinding the memories, though the life of diploma costs only for 2 and 1/2 years to finish, a short duration I bet, but somehow feel that the life of diploma is more exciting? memoriable? compared to my secondary school life as that costed 6 years. So can know that it doesn't matter how long the moment we're having together but the most matter with us is how we create more memoriable things.
Thus, seriously, feeling freaking sad when comes to think that going to graduate in no longer future since may be not really available to meet the colleagues in future as everyone will have their own paths to go on...
Some of them may continue for further like degree and so on while some of them may straightly start working or travelling more places. As for me, I'm still not really sure what shall I do after this diploma life. Should I continue? Work? Travel to see more things I never see before? I don't really know...
Besides, since the last time freaking long moment of keeping someone in the heart while that someone with the another, I don't feel motivated in my life. Maybe I'm too eager to be loved or concerned. Somehow kinda hate this "me". Yet lately, there's one that I seriously supposed to let go or forget or give up quite a moment ago, I found that she's unforgettable. She used to be the one of my hatred list? But now feel soulless when she absents or etc. Somemore, starting to feel motivated by just looking the smile or wat so ever. Also, don't know since when, feaking scared and worry if she is upset? mad? or...?
However, i guess my characteristics still as usual, provoke or hurt someone unconsciously, wanna change but again, the pride problems-.-....Yet somehow, start to feel that as like I able to show the softer side, though the speed of the change is very slow.
I guess for the present "me", feeling like wanna be with her anywhere and anytime even knowing that the major problem--communication will be a disaster if we really get together and following her choice for future path may seriously change my future unless I'm interested and available to make the same choice as hers as well or else it will be too unwise to do so.
But watodo? Now seriously, should I say I'm blinded? ARGH