darn

quite many "darn" things had been happening in this term 3,
1st darn-conflicted with very few groupmates;
2nd darn-conflicted with my own will, e.g. stress??;
3rd darn-some "news" not even cooled down but "updating"?!;
4th darn-starting to pay attention on some individual(s)??;
5th darn- drink the largest amount of beer in my life?? approx. 9 in 2 months...highest record in such short time for now..;
6th darn-some of the subjects felt like learnt nothing and also "gg"=.=;
7th the MOST DARN darn-the budget of this term was the highest among these 3 terms!! approx. RM 2.8k??really sh*t cause felt like the times i was going out was the lowest in these 3 terms as well...T.T damn pain on my "budget"...speechless
HOPEFULLY these won't happening in future as term 4 till end of my life >,

however you feel, that will be my feel as well...

it's raining season lately. nearly rain coming once every two or three days. i like the rain...however, you have been emotional lately...full of sadness, stress, unsecure....
these made me feel bad...low mood and morality...
why??? you didn't say the reasons out...just because we are only friends???
but please, at least say it out...i think that will make you feeling better...

about two weeks more....

about two weeks more then ends my term 3....like what most of my groupmates saying...feel like learnt nothing... and the training time being nearer..feel very nervous and hope that that time will be going smooth..these days kinda busying with the assignments...of course, the accounting i think is the only course i may fail as well..maybe the problems came from lecturer or myself or both of the issues... to me, either the lecturer explaining the course too fast until i'm blur or i feel that it is too complicated this term....till now, still, don't even know what are the components of this subject at all....so how?? waiting to die??? i don't like this but last minute's CPR help?? guess won't as well but for now..i think ot's better than i never try...please let me pass it..please...T.T

cant take my eyes and thoughts off her??

wondering why....feel like these days, can't take my notices out of someone...
even after back from college, her image is still clear in my mind...
darn...kinda hate of myself...don't have the defense or what against this kind of matter...
come on, it's mostly a normal friendship treats from her what...why should i thinking too much...
even lately my 1st thing to do with my laptop is keep looking on her blog, see whether if she updated anything or wrote what her feels...am i too bored until got this kind of feeling? if that's so, no way!! that won't come with any result in the future...
after all, i don't think i have any characteristics to be liked by someone or she will like me or what....
please..please get it away from me..it's just my "too much thoughts"...
sweet time won't approach me either....

Disqualified from falling in love

I found that I'm 99.9% disqualified from falling in love:
1. I'm not generous enough to see the one I love having moments with whoever even chit-chat (means easily get jealous)
2. Unstable mood (maybe will hurt the one I love in future no matter phisically or psychologically)
3. Too calculative (hopes for results after giving the efforts)
4. Traditional thoughts (e.g. too macho)
5. No confident in myself
6. Unsteady behaviour (not mature enough I guess)
7. Don't know how to express the real thoughts and romantic??....Or maybe don't like to show the romantic side??
Guess these are all the points that conclude me as disqualified from falling in love...

Maybe...

Guess maybe I'm too sensitive or what....these days feeling angry or emo so easily...
Maybe I'm the one who actually changing?
Maybe I'm full of stress?
Feel kinda f*ck up of myself...
Guess I'm the one who was wrong from the begining....
Maybe I have no qualification at all...
Please...those who know me...no matter you like me or hate me or still think me as friend...
Please tell me...
Have i changed? Is it either my behaviour or attitude problem?
Or maybe...actually I'm a mad person....
Sigh...

The most beautiful thing.."Smile"

Of course, we have to admit that there are many things like buildings, natural scenes are beautiful. But I bet most of us noticed that a smile is the most beautiful thing we can ever see in our life which free of cost and with sincere. Like if when we having bad moments, we have a walk at somewhere like playground or what, I bet you'll feel much better if you see people smiling at you but not laughing too over like criticizing. Especially the smiles from our beloved ones, no matter he or she is your special boyfriend or girlfriends or they are your friends or family members, you'll find that you're feeling happy as well. If we are not seeing beautiful things, why do we feel happy then? Can you say that you're feeling good when you looking disgusting scenes like vomiting? I guess most of us won't say it...Thus, why should not we start to smile from now on? A sincere one.^v^ So we can see the most beautiful things everytime and everywhere without going anywhere or paying..hehe..

Just go on...

There's no way one can be a perfect person. If he or she does so, I think there's something wrong..hehe....As we were born to this world, we have to learn to be hated and loved. This is because people have their own "tastes". Like the food, there must be some of the food we don't like. Thus, don't stop when having the bad moments as long you do not feel sorry on yourself and also your beloved ones. Just keep going, there's always rainbow and sunshine after the rain. Also, I guess this is what a life is, which happiness, sadness and so on occur...
However, when there's more hatred than being loved, one has to start thinking "why". I guess nobody really enjoyed being hatred than being loved since that will be suffering.

迷路了。。。

或许还年少，或许其实不了解自己，又或许其实花心；才二十岁，已对不知几位女孩心动。。
是因为她们的外表？内在？？ 还是我那爱想太多的脑袋对我作怪？？？每一次的心动让我在寻找“真正的她”的路上迷了路。。到底真爱是什么？ 又怎样知道那个“她”就是你命中注定的“她”？
脑海中，被这些疑问淹没。。头痛，更喘不过气来。。想不去想这些事情，却不管看不看到那些女孩，心动依然不断，疑问不停涌进脑里。。
谁可以带我离开这迷宫？也看清与分辨这些心动？？

Something has happened..

these days, deep in my heart, i felt something...it felt like a wave, not strong but smooth and familiar and kept splashing at the wall of my heart...wondering why?
...darn..please, don't tell me it is 'it'...
if then it is the 'it', why did it happen? because of someone??
=.=..no..don't ....it's quite hard to believe if the someone is she..cause even myself also not sure about if she is the 'she'...guess all of you who reading this will feel confusing right? since the identity of her is still in mystery...
as for me an author, I'm also being confuse also..since if the she is another 'she' or blah blah...
whatever, just hope that it's just like the animals in spring, you know, those in short term like some people said, a puppy love...
hope that it will calm down soon..as for me, I also think that it's not the time yet..

time..thoughts...

time passes without noticing us or our notices. just quite a moment ago, I'm still a newbie in college that knowing nothing and quite a distance with others. though, by outlook, you might think I'm not as "distance" as i mentioned, but deeply in heart, for me, it was. and now, about three days to november and I hardly believe that it's already mid of term 3. my group mates are not acting as "strangers" before but being more open. well, honestly, I don't really know if I like it or not but whatever, it had been happened. and I think it's impossible for someone to keep himself or herself the same as before. maybe this is the growth in life. well, just hope that the relationships last forever even after graduate in few terms later. though it's too early to say it but who knows, time passes until sometimes we can't even "catch" it..hope can understand what I'm trying to say. anyway, for me, the occurences of unhappiness and toughness do not really matter as they are all memoriable experience to us being more mature. thus, no matter we don't like the things or people, maybe we don't really accept them in sincere but at least try keep it in balance...

erm..syok!

ever since I was born when 1990...and today, I have my 1st ride with my friend, very syok! Don't really remember if I had ride a bike before by my relatives or family members or not but just now, after I came to study, I had a ride which my friend gave me for a really 1st time. in begining, I felt quite scare, nervous and wondering...but then, as wind flowed through, wao~felt relieved and happy^^ maybe you all can find a time to try though nowadays not many people like to ride a bike now;-p hehe

yes!!

oh yes!! I have no worry about my industrial training of this term already!! you know what? I can have my new year celebration in my hometown, means that I'll have my training there as well^^ as my application had been accepted by the hotel;-) sides, now just waiting for the moment when I can go to settle my accomodation deposit things since I'm going to end my contract earlier. so guys, hope can meet ya up when chinese new year~

can't wait already!!

it's term 3 of my college life dy, and last this week had been dealing with my 1st training replacement stuffs. i chose a hotel of my hometown as my 1st training place as coincidentally that moment is also chinese new year. so what i need to wonder about? just decide the hotel in my hometown so i can get angpao;-) however, the result of approval from the hotel is still unknown.:-( hopefully they approve it so i can go back my hometown sides having my training. wonder if is it because of the desperation, i felt like i have so much motivation these days. also, hope that this motivation can last longer^^

送给你的。。

我不闻不问，不代表我不在乎； 我表现冷淡，是怕自己太受伤；
我举止粗俗，是不让你知我心；我自卑懦弱，明白自己不配你；
我开不了口，是还不明白自己；原谅我所作， 愿你快乐也有天。

我的心声

突然觉得一些歌贴近我心。。
聲音突然哽咽 也說不出心意
淚水慢慢堆積 失去行走能力
視線里 圈住已走遠的你
無力挽留 我的呼喊
已經淹沒在結局里
心已經被撕碎 散在空氣里飛
像花朵已枯萎 無法再次收回
從沒有 讓你感覺到快樂
原諒我心中 瘋狂的執著
不要回頭看我 不要戀戀不舍
跑著離開我吧 以后好好過吧
眼前 你越來越遠
騙自己 讓你更遠一點
這么遲鈍的我 可能有點懦弱
讓你選擇逃脫 也許這樣沒錯
忘記所有經過 寧愿在痛苦中受折磨
要把回憶 慢慢的遺落 by 歌名：面具(中文版)--安七炫

[給我一首歌的時間]
如果你想忘記我也能失憶
把故事聽到最后才說再見
你送我的眼淚 讓它留在雨天
越過你劃的線 我定了勇氣的終點

[手放開]
不能給你未來我還你現在
安靜結束也是另一種對待
當眼淚留下來
傷已超載
分開也是另一種明白
我給你最后的疼愛是手放開
不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海
感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白
把愛收進胸前左邊口袋
最后的疼愛是手放開
不想用言語拉扯所以選擇不責怪
感情就像候車月臺有人走有人來
我的心是一個站牌
寫著等待

there's no need to care much about it...

you may know i got a feeling on you but you didn't have....it's doesn't matter as I myself actually still wondering in the maze of searching the answer of true love...eventhough sometimes wondering that actually everyone we concern, being with now or before, we ourselves put our hearts on them. just that after breakup or unhappiness, most of us said that was just playing or not true or blah blah blah...
therefore, after my own long winded above, just wanna tell that go your own road that you will happy.....Sides, I'm not the kind that will compete with other when the one I got the feel about is happy with him especially.

AT LAST...however.........

At last, she has found her port where she can always rely, rest, share everything and so on. And I might no longer to worry things that i had been worried so long. Not like to say as a burden but somehow I feel relieved. However, when i knew about it, I'm still feeling sad if not wrong. Why I said "if not wrong"? Don't know since when, I felt like starting being a living being without much feelings but hopefully I thought too much.
Well, lastly, hope she will be happy forever and always.
Me? I guess I'll just wait the time comes...Don't feel like to think or put too much effort about it as it only makes me headache or starting to think too much again.
Afterall, I guess I have done quite well as a good friend for her in these years [not sure if she has thought me as her good friend or just an ordinary friend;-)]

Long time no write..

It's been nearly two months since my last posts. and finally at here, i came out a bit ideas about what im going to write.
As a college student, I'm in term 3 already and hardly imagine that two months ago I'm still term 2. actually, the duration of each term is about two and the half months. which means after december, I'm going for industrial training.
about the training place, I decided to go to my hometown's hotel since term 2. however, afterall, i did'nt like handworking or peperworks, means that i didn't like writing a formal letter as well. but in order to apply to have my training there, i guess i have no idea besides requesting the adress and also the email of the hotel from my family there in order to send my letter to them. if not, i'll have my training at where am i now--selangor n kuala lumpur.
i bet there would be many difficulties if i have my training here like transportation and place to stay. but for my hometown, i will just stay at my home and drive to the hotel for training.
sides, the moment my industrial training has also chinese new year then i can still celebrate with my family and some friends.
hopefully i can have a courage to get the information from career centre and send a formal letter by email as soon as possible for effective workout...

...

Is tat when something we are too understanding about it until we lost myself then we keep searching the answer of it??
Or that we really don't understand about it then we seek for the answer??
Coz tat for me, recently, or can said tat since quite a long time ago, i have been kept wondering about wat is really love is...i think that i don't understand about it and that's why till now, i don't really have the bravery to have a relationship.
However, most of my friends said i have actualy know what really a love is as someitmes some of them asked for my opinion on their relationship somehow.
Thus, maybe i'm too understanding about it till lost myself? or don't have confident to have a relationship as afraid of future might hurt one of us??
I guess i may have known about love but the one i don't know is myself....

Being lazy or just feeling bored???

though i have just live for about 19 years and 5 months only, but there was a feeling being more stronger in deep of my heart. especially during the secondary school times, this feeling started to get stronger..feeling like don't really have commiment on everything. everything that i did was just seems like for somehow "image' but actually didn't even put much effort on them. life was just easy-going. however, day by days, maybe because of the cruelity of society or reality, tiredness has been spreaded all over my body..this tiredness mostly was not about the stamina but somehow about the spiritual??can't really understand..just feel "lazy" to do...or maybe feeling the life is too bored???maybe...i guess....as same formulas of life processes just keep going by times...nothing new happens but to most of us...even to me sometimes, this maybe can be said as the best life already...=.=..haha....don't know what i'm trying to say...(swt)

a very short untitled??

nobody's supposed to be lonely yet as everyone has his or her own key to unlock the other's lock.....however, as we are alive, we will surely make wrong judgements include choosing the other partner in our lives...thus, that's why regrets always exist after we made some decisions...but because of regrets, we know to grow and focus and love the present...as long as we happy, let the time flows and face the destined future..

For someone that had been erased from my heart long time ago..

that "someone" i guess she had been stayed in my heart for about 4 years long time ago
曾想对你说 说我爱你 但 还是没说出口 怕你 知道后的画面 是你离我而去
曾想对你说 说我爱你 但 还是没说出口 只因 有人比我快了 几步说他爱你
因为爱你 所以选择犹豫 因为爱你 所以选择放弃
因为爱你 我选择你开心
曾想对你说 说我爱你 但 还是没说出口 怕你 知道后的画面 是你离我而去
曾想对你说 说我爱你 但 还是没说出口 只因 有人比我快了 几步说他爱你
哦~ 因为爱你 所以选择犹豫 因为爱你 所以选择放弃
因为爱你 我选择你开心 不让你伤心